Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize