she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
