he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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