Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
