Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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