I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
