Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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