You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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