K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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