Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize