I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
