We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
