I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
