well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
