why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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