i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
