My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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