but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
