I wish I could punch you in the face.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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