Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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