they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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