Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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