apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
