ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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