He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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