i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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