sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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