I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Drunk is not a location!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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