drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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