Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
