If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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