Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
