You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
