If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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