Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
