I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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