Your dad touched me again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
