Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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