no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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