he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize