Sponge bath it is.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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