I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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