Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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