Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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