in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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