if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize