I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
