He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
