I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
