just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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