He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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