R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
