Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
