he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
