Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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