Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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