Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
