YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
