I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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