She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
