i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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