the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
