I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So vagazzling was a success
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
