dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The convent might be a nice break from real life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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