but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
