I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
