i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
