i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your mouth is God's brothel.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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